


Better Angels

by whichlights (orphan_account)



Series: Better Angels [1]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: AU, Abuse, Alternate Universe, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Gen, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, alec has awful parents, also how did malec get here, also yes jace is a lightwood to me FIGHT ME but he doesnt show until chapter 4 sorry, and in this moment it was never more obvious i had no idea what i was doing, book canon characters, im trying dangit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-05-29 20:13:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6391654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/whichlights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When there's only one active Shadowhunter in the whole crazy mess that is New York City, it's bad.</p><p>When that one Shadowhunter is living with three adults who are cursed to never leave the Institute's grounds, two of which hate each other, it's very bad.</p><p>When that Shadowhunter's happiness and even mental stability is sacrificed in the pursuit of perfection, it's monstrous.</p><p>When that one, fourteen year old Shadowhunter is found crying in an alley by the High Warlock of Brooklyn, it's a matter of life and death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Idris 1991**

“Maryse and Robert Lightwood, you are accused of assisting Valentine Morgenstern in the disruption of the signing of the Accords and partaking in the Uprising. Do you deny these charges?”

“No.”

“Is it true that if you had defected sooner, lives would have been saved?”

“Yes, but-”

“I propose exile.” The Inquisitor proclaimed. “Strip them of their Marks.”

“No!” Maryse practically shrieked. Robert had to grab her arm to keep her from charging at the Inquisitor. “Imogen, my _son_ -”

“ _My_ son, Maryse!” The Inquisitor screamed back. “What about my son!”

Maryse’s eyes softened, but not the panic in them. “I’m so sorry about Stephen. He was my friend. Bu my son- my Alexander -is innocent in this. What will happen to him if you do this?”

“He will follow you into exile.”

“ _No_! Please, Alec didn’t do anything-”

“Inquisitor.” Robert whispered. “ _Consul_. This is too much. Alexander hasn’t done anything. He shouldn’t be punished for what we did.”

“If I may propose a counter offer…” The Consul cleared his throat. “Hodge Starkweather is being sent to the New York Institute with a curse. He can never again leave its grounds. Do the same to the Lightwoods.”

“And Alec?” Maryse’s voice trembled slightly.

“He can come and go as he wishes.” The Inquisitor said. “Someone has to control the Downworlders there.”

“All in favor of this verdict say ‘aye.’” The Consul called to the assembled Council. “And all opposed say 'nay.’”

There was a chorus of aye and not a single nay.

The Inquisitor narrowed her eyes at the Lightwoods. “Let this be very clear.” She hissed, so that no one else could hear. “If any of you show the slightest disloyalty to the Clave, I will have you all stripped of your Marks and exiled.”

Maryse nodded and stumbled back to where Celine Herondale was holding her son, her Alec.

**New York 1993**

“But Dad-”

“Alexander, you’re a warrior. You need to train. Again.”

“We’ve been at this for forever. Can we take a break?”

“Again!”

**New York 1997**

“Happy birthday, Alec.”

“Thanks Hodge. So when can I go to Idris?”

“Ten or so years. Just make sure to take pictures for me.”

**New York 1999**

“Mom, just draw the rune.”

“Take this as a warning to be more careful next time.”

“I had no choice! The demon was about to get away!”

“If you blow your arms out again, all the demons will get away.”

**New York 2001**

“Mom! Dad! Hodge! There’s a rogue vampire on the loose! I need help-”

“You know we can’t leave the Institute.”

“But I need help! I can’t do this alone! Can I call the New Jersey Institute or a warlock or-”

“No. That’s final.”

**New York 2003**

“Alec, what are those marks on your arms?”

“What? Oh, um, hunting accident.”

**New York 2004**

Magnus Bane whistled as he walked down the street, hands in the pockets of his artfully torn jeans. Mundanes turned to look at him, which he found a kind of pride in. He worked hard to look this beautifully odd.

It was a bright day. Magnus considered visiting Raphael later. It would oh so annoy him-

Magnus’s happy thoughts were interrupted when his acute hearing picked up the sound of a sob. He stopped, straightening to his full height and looking around. None of the mundanes seemed to notice the sound, but they did seem aggravated that Magnus had stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.

There was another sharp sob, and Magnus tried to follow the sound, walking against the flow of mundanes. He elbowed his way through, and then suddenly there was a child crying in an alley.

He was pale as death, with hair dark as pitch. Dressed all in black, with a knife held in a white-knuckled grip. His shoulders and chest trembled as he cried, leaned up against the dirty wall of an alley. As Magnus stared and mundanes walked past the crying child without a glance, Magnus realized the boy was glamoured.

Another look revealed a dark Voyance rune on the back of his right hand.

Magnus’s heart stopped. He should walk away. He should pretend he never saw this kid. He should he should he-

“Hey.” Magnus whispered, and slipped into the alley, casting a glamour on himself as he went so as not to alarm the mundies. He sat in front of the Nephilim boy. “What’s wrong?”

He lifted his head to look at Magnus with sad blue eyes. “The world was designed to make me unhappy.” He stated, voice choked by tears. He was cradling his knife in his hands, the blade pressed to his wrist, a thin red line already forming.

Magnus’s eyes widened, and his frozen heart sped back up. “Hey. Hey hey hey." How? What do you say to someone ready to slit their wrists? "Hey, look at me. Talk to me.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Please.” Magnus said softly. “Can I take this?” He placed his fingers on the knife handle. “I’m just going to put it right… here.” Magnus gestured to a spot behind him, out of the boy’s immediate reach. The Shadowhunter’s fingers were limp as Magnus took away the blade and put it out of sight. “Now can you talk to me?”

He glanced down. “I guess.”

“What’s your name?”

“Alec.”

“Alec.” Magnus tried the name out, still looking him in the eye. “Short for anything?”

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood.”

Magnus’s heart stopped again. “The Lightwood child.”

A billion thoughts ran through Magnus’s head. Most of them bitter, mean. _Circle, Valentine, Uprising, death, traitor, murderer, kill kill kill_. And then the better part of him whispered to him _helpless and hopeless child_.

God knew Magnus Bane could never resist a child in need.

Alec glanced away. “You hate me.”

“No I don’t.” Magnus glanced at the shallow nick on Alec’s arm. There were similar lines decorating his arms like tally marks. “You know Shadowhunting is going to give you enough scars as is.” Magnus winced. Maybe that wasn’t so tactful. “May I?”

“I don’t care.”

Magnus gently held Alec’s hand and traced a finger across each scar, and they faded. “What drove you to this point?”

“I can’t. I just can’t.” He started to cry again. “My parents are trapped in the Institute, and they hate each other. They yell at each other every time they’re in the same room and they yell all night and I can’t sleep. And then I’m expected to kill every demon in New York and discipline every Downworlder and I’m supposed to do it all alone. There was a rogue vampire when I was twelve and I didn’t know what I was doing and he bit me and I almost died that day.”

“Alec…”

“I didn’t mean to hurt myself. I didn’t, I swear. I fell and my arm slipped against my seraph blade. And then I stared at the cut and I made another… and another… and I realized what I was doing and I stopped but then I started again. A hunting accident, I told my mom.” Alec gave a bitter laugh.

“How old are you?”

“Fourteen.”

Magnus gulped and started healing the scars on Alec’s other arm. No way was he going back to the Institute. Not today.

“I just… it’s too much. If I’m anything less than perfect, the Clave will kill my whole family. I’m trying. I’m trying and I’m failing and I can’t I-I-I-”

“Sh.” Magnus whispered. “Shh. It’s okay.”

“No it’s _not_!” Alec yelled. “I don’t care about me- but my parents, Hodge-”

“And you thought killing yourself would help?”

“I wouldn’t be there to disappoint them.” Alec’s voice was choked. “And I’m pretty sure they hate me.”

“That’s-” Magnus almost said a very bad word, but decided he shouldn’t teach Shadowhunters children bad words. “Stupid.” He said instead. “What kind of parent could hate their own child?”

Magnus froze at his own words. Alec looked at him. His eyes were truly blue, and shining with unshed tears. “So we’re in the same boat there.”

“Look, that’s different.” Magnus said. “I’m not human. I’m half demon. You- you’re a Shadowhunter. You have angel blood for God’s sake. You’re probably the perfect child.”

“My dad disapproves of my choice of weapon. I use a bow and he wants me to use a sword. He once took a tree branch from a plant in the gardens, took a knife, and carved the Angelic rune of power into it. Then he handed it to me and said it would be a better weapon than my bow.”

“Seems harsh.”

“Shadowhunters are warriors. We’re not supposed to be cuddly. If we’re a little harsh around the edges… so be it.”

“You’re not harsh.”

“I’m broken. There’s something wrong with me.”

Magnus almost said the bad word again. Instead he settled for, “there is nothing wrong with you.”

“And maybe you’re the lighter half of me.” Alec tilted his head at Magnus, and his heart stopped yet again. “The half not damaged by too much responsibility. The brighter part of my soul. My better angel.”

“I’m no angel.” Magnus said.

“I think you are.” Alec looked to were Magnus had put the knife away. “I don’t think I need that anymore.”

“Really?”

“No.” Alec admitted. “I’m going to try though.”

“Good.” Magnus handed the knife back, and Alec put it in a sheath on his belt.

“Well, bye then.” Alec stood up and started to walk away, but stopped before he even got out of the alley. Magnus sat up and looked at him. “I… I don’t want to go home yet. I’m not sure I can.”

Magnus went up to him. Alec was tall for his age, but still small next to Magnus. Small, bony, and pale, but Shadowhunter muscles coiled under his skin. His hair was too long and too messy and there were tear tracks on his face. “Can I introduce you to someone?”

“Who?”

“Head of the New York vampire clan.”

Alec’s nose scrunched up. “Camille?”

“What? No! Raphael Santiago.”

“Oh. Okay.”

—

“Raphael, come on!” Magnus begged. “Two hours! Three! Until sunset! I’ll pick him back up tomorrow morning, at the latest!”

“ _Dios_ , Bane.” The vampire rolled his eyes. “Do you not listen to me?”

“Please, Raphael. He can’t go home yet. I don’t… I don’t think it’s safe for him there.” Magnus glanced at Alec, who was sitting in the corner with his eyes closed. “Two or three days. That’s all I’m asking.”

“I can’t keep a Shadowhunter boy captive in the vampire’s lair.”

“He won’t be captive! It’s just a… uh…”

“Cat got your tongue, Bane?” Raphael chuckled to himself.

“I just want to help him.” Magnus said pathetically.

“You? Help? A Nephilim? Who are you and what have you done to the High Warlock of Brooklyn?”

“That’s not funny.” Magnus lowered his voice. “I just need someone to keep an eye on Alec while he recovers.”

“I can’t.”

“Raph-”

“No, Magnus! _Dios mio_ , I can’t because of who he _is_!”

“He had nothing to do with the Uprising-”

“I know that, and you know that, but I’m a sensible person and you… well, you want to help every bluebird who’s fallen from its nest. But people were lost in the Uprising. And do you want your newest baby bird to be in the same building as a hundred possibly angry vampires?”

Magnus was silent for long enough to hear part of an argument.

“-killed my best friend!” A vampire hissed at Alec.

Alec’s blue eyes were scared, but he was attempting to stay calm. “I had nothing to do with that.”

“You parents did. They were supposed to be sent into exile!”

“Listen-”

The vampire pounced at Alec. Within seconds they were engaged in a brawl, the vampire snapping at Alec, fangs out, and Alec holding his own, knife in hand again. Magnus yelled “hey!” and charged forward, forcibly separating them with his magic. Raphael gave him a look like _I told you so_ and went to reprimand his fellow clan member.

Magnus rushed to Alec. “You okay?”

“Fine.” He spat a glob of blood out of his mouth. At Magnus’s startled look, he said quickly. “He punched me in the jaw. One of my teeth fell out. At least it wasn’t one of the permanent ones.”

“You still have baby teeth?” Magnus resisted the urge to laugh.

Alec narrowed his eyes. “Don’t say anything.”

“So, how would you feel with staying at my place. Just for a little.” He added at Alec’s skeptical look. “I have a cat?”

Alec laughed. He had a nice laugh, like a bell or something poetic. “Alright.”

Magnus smiled.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here I am realizing that I don't know what I am doing
> 
> oh well

Magnus opened the door to his apartment and suddenly wished he was at least a _little_ more organized. Oh well. He snapped his fingers and everything went back into place.

Alec’s eyes lit up at the display of blue sparks, but he didn’t say anything. He was rubbing his wrist as he glanced around. “Cool place.”

“Thanks, I try.” Magnus looked at the Shadowhunter boy and realized he didn’t know how to take care of a fourteen year old. He barely could take care of himself. “Are you hungry? I probably have leftover Chinese take out somewhere.”

“I’m fine.” Alec said as his stomach growled. His cheekbones flared red. “Um… maybe some Chinese would be nice.”

Magnus nodded and dug through his fridge as Alec stood nervously in the doorway, looking at every object as if it was going to explode. Which was ridiculous. Magnus would never explode his couch- it was from Italy and it was expensive.

Magnus had no Chinese take out, for once. The only food in his house was a half eaten slice of pizza that was probably poisonous by now and a box of pancake mix.

Alec tilted his head at the pancake mix. “I can make pancakes.”

“You’re a guest!” Magnus argued, even though he hadn’t the slightest idea how to make pancakes. But whatever Magnus cooked up couldn’t be worse than the pizza. It had a mushroom on it. It had been a cheese pizza.

“I don’t mind. Doing something will help me take my mind off things.”

“Alright.” Magnus tossed him the box. He caught it, but only after it hit his face. Magnus winced. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Alec started reading the instructions and walking to the stove.

Magnus didn’t know what to do next. Alec seemed content to mix pancake batter (getting about half of the powder in his hair).

Magnus’s question was answered when the doorbell rang. He darted over, the fleeting thought that it was the Shadowhunters come to take Alec away crossing his mind, when he answered the door to Ragnor Fell.

“Ragnor!” Magnus exclaimed. “I wasn’t expecting you!”

“I decided to drop by.” The green warlock spotted Alec. “Who is that?”

“That’s Alec Lightwood.” Magnus shrugged. 

“Magnus! Don’t tell me you kidnapped the Lightwood’s only child!”

Magnus was silent. “Magnus!” Ragnor yelled, and Alec looked up, a splatter of batter on his nose. “Who’s he?”

“Alec, this is Ragnor Fell.” Magnus introduced his friend. 

“Cool. By the way, Magnus didn’t kidnap me.” Alec shrugged as the warlock gaped at him. “Rune for hearing. Sorry, didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”

“So there, Ragnor.” Magnus said, then stuck his tongue out. Ragnor rolled his eyes. 

“So you have the most watched person in the whole Shadow World… making you pancakes?” Ragnor asked. 

Alec froze. _Oh no._ “What do you mean _most watched_?”

“The Clave keeps an eye on you because they want an excuse to punish your parents.” Ragnor said, while Magnus was wondering if he could use that curse word now. “And the Downworlders keep an eye on you because they’re mostly scared you might snap.”

“Snap and do what? Be the next Valentine?” Alec rolled his eyes, then looked down. “They think I’m going to become the next Valentine.”

“Ragnor, can I talk to you in _private_.” Magnus hissed, dragging Ragnor to his room, hoping Alec’s rune wouldn’t reach that far.

“What?” Ragnor snapped. “How’d you even find him anyway?”

“I heard him sobbing in an alley with scars up to his elbows, at least, about to cut his wrists open.” Magnus said, struggling to keep his voice low. “He _has_ snapped. Snapped and broken into a thousand tiny pieces.”

Ragnor had nothing to say to that. 

—

Magnus was perfectly aware of the fact that Alec was covered head to toe in pancake mix, but didn’t want to crush the small, proud smile on his face. After convincing Ragnor to stay for dinner (well, breakfast/dinner) Magnus felt he deserved a pat on the back. 

Alec was a curious little thing. He asked almost nonstop questions, and only paused to get answers. Magnus made sure he was the one to answer all of them, because Ragnor was no fun.

“What’s it like, being a High Warlock?” 

“Lots of magic.”

“How do you become High Warlock? Do you get elected? Do you have terms?”

“There’s a talent show and the winner is proclaimed America’s Next Top Warlock and they get the job.”

“Do vampire bikes really fly?”

“Yes they do. Get Raphael to give you one.”

“How are you and Raphael friends?”

“It’s a long story that I’ll tell you later.”

“So are you friends with all the Downworlders?”

“Only the ones that don’t hate me. Well, Raphael falls in that category so I can’t say that.”

“What’s your favorite place on Earth?”

“My sofa.”

“I’m serious.” Alec said, eyes wide. “What’s the coolest place you’ve traveled to?”

Magnus had to think about it. He’d lived a long life, seen a lot of people, been a lot of places. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, thinking. And he found his answer.

“Peru. Too bad I got banned. Remember the Nazca Lines, Ragnor?”

“I remember the guinea pigs.” Ragnor said evilly.

“I think I might try to relearn the _charango_.” Magnus replied, with a glint in his amber and green eyes. Ragnor ceased any talk of guinea pigs.

“What’s a _charango_?” Alec asked.

“It’s a musical instrument Magnus has no aptitude for whatsoever.” Ragnor grumbled. “If you value your life, never let him near one ever again. Or any instrument for that matter.”

“I’m hurt.” Magnus said when Alec laughed, but not meaning it. “I was magnificent!”

“You caused a stampede of llamas!” Ragnor yelled, and Alec’s laugh increased in volume. His laugh was nice, like a bell or something poetic like that. Magnus just wished it wouldn’t be directed at him.

“How’d you even get banned from Peru?” Alec asked.

“I have no idea.” Magnus said with complete innocence. Ragnor snorted.

Alec looked at the clock on the oven. “I should go home now.”

“You’re not bothering anyone.” Magnus said quickly.

“My parents could be worried I really-”

“Just tonight.” Magnus found a bit of a plea in his voice. “Alec, come on. They’ll survive without you for one night.” _It might do them good, and help them get their act together._

Alec gave in.


	3. Chapter 3

Magnus woke up to find Alec gone. After Ragnor had left, Alec had agreed to stay the night, sleeping on the couch. And as Magnus went to get his coffee, he discovered Alec Lightwood was nowhere in the house.

He sighed to himself. He should have known better. Alec was skittish at best, easily terrified at worst, and Magnus was a stranger still. No way would he have stayed. He was gone, and Magnus would bet money on never seeing the kid again.

Magnus got his coffee (meaning he magicked it up, summoning it from the Starbucks down the block) and resigned himself to a boring day. He couldn’t stop thinking about Alec. And he wished that somehow, someway, he had said the right things, and Alec wouldn’t have run off the second he wasn’t looking.

Magnus stretched out on his couch, shoving thoughts of a blue-eyed Shadowhunter very much _out_ of his head, and drank his coffee. He sat there for a good five minutes before the door opened with a rattle.

Alec came in, pushing sweaty strands of hair our of his face. His eyes were bright, and he was panting. “Hey.” He said, leaning against the wall. “Me, I get, but what are you doing up at this ungodly hour?”

“Where have you been?” Magnus demanded.

“Sorry, I should have left a note or something. I’m used to being able to go whenever I want because no one can or will stop me.” Alec shrugged. “I went for a run.”

“A run.” Magnus repeated.

“Yep. I do that.” Alec seemed uncomfortable, like he wasn’t used to people caring where he went or what could have happened to him. While Magnus was rolling his eyes, he spotted something on Alec’s wrist. His heart sunk a little. “Alexander.” He said softly.

Alec looked at him in question before following his line of vision. He ducked his head. “I’m sorry.”

“You said you weren’t going to do that anymore.” Magnus reached out his hand to heal him and Alec flinched away. Magnus froze. He kept his voice soft, like he was speaking to an easily spooked wild animal- in a way he was. “I’m trying to help you.”

“Sorry, sorry, instinctive.” Alec stuttered out. “Wait so… you’re not going to yell at me? You’re not going to-”

“Listen to me very carefully.” Magnus looked him in the eyes. “I’m upset you hurt yourself. I was scared and upset when you left. But I will _never_ hurt you Alec. And if I do, please know it was an accident. Then feel free to whack me upside the head.”

A smile tugged at Alec’s mouth, but he said nothing. Magnus held out his hand and Alec gave him his arm.

“Now,” Magnus said when he was done healing Alec, “want to go get breakfast?”

“Sure.” Alec mumbled.

“Then come on. We’re going to Taki’s.”

“What’s that?” Alec brightened up significantly, the curious spark in his eyes back.

Magnus looked at him with amazement. “You’ll love it. It’s food.”

“Sounds good.”

—

Taki’s wasn’t very crowded that day, with just a couple booths full. Alec seemed unconcerned- he’d seen Downworlders before, obviously -but his eyes gleamed as they took a booth near the back. A faerie- Kelli or Katie or something like that -came up to take their orders. Magnus got French Toast, because he could. Alec stuttered something about orange juice before staring at his hands and rubbing his wrist.

She smiled, her eyes solid dark blue and shining, before leaving. Alec kept looking around, and his hand was drifting to the knife on his belt. “I should go home.” He muttered.

“No, please.” Magnus said, eyes huge and pleading. “You’re not happy there. You’re not _safe_ there.”

Alec sat up straight. “I have a duty to my family.”

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed you say ‘I _should_ go home’ but never 'I _want_ to go home.’” Magnus drummed his fingers on the table. “You hate it there as much as I hate the idea of you being there. Probably more.”

“It’s like a cage.” Alec was obviously struggling to keep his voice down. “It’s like a big, fancy bird cage and I hate hate _hate_ it. I take every opportunity I can to avoid going back but I have to. I have to be perfect.”

“No one is perfect.”

“The Clave wants me to be.”

“The Clave can-” Magnus stopped himself. _Don’t teach the Shadowhunter bad language._

Alec looked at him curiously, but his attention flitted away to somewhere else as Kelli-Katie-maybe Kylie came back with the food. “Thanks.” Alec said, and shut down the conversation.

Magnus sighed to himself and poked at his French Toast. _I just want to help you._ He screamed in his head, chest hurting. _I just want to help you!_

Alec kept his head bowed and traced patterns on the table. “Do you hate me?”

“What?” Magnus nearly fell over. “Why would you think that? Why would you ever think that?”

“I keep screwing up.”

“You know there’s this thing called forgiveness, right?” Magnus didn’t roll his eyes. Being kind and supportive took constant vigilance, but it was worth it.

“There’s no forgiving what my parents did.” Alec whispered. “They-”

“You are not your parents.” Magnus wondered if he tried to hold Alec’s hand as a sign of support if it would scare him off. “Do you feel you don’t deserve to be forgiven? You’ve done nothing wrong- can you just not compute the thought that there’s someone in the universe who actually cares about you?”

“I can’t.” Alec admitted, his voice little more than a hoarse whisper. “I don’t understand why anyone would.”

Magnus thought maybe that was the saddest thing he’d ever heard. He went to say something, but his voice died in his throat. He tried again but then couldn’t think of what to say.

He didn’t say anything. He reached his hand across the table and set it front of Alec, looking at him, looking for an okay. Alec didn’t take his hand, so Magnus took it back and set it in his lap.

“I’ll stop causing you trouble now.” Alec said, and got up and started to leave.

Magnus panicked and stood up. “Wait! Please don’t go yet!” All the heads in the restaurant turned to look at the spectacle. “Just know, please- if you ever need me, for anything… feel free to call me.”

“I don’t have a phone-” Alec started, but Magnus cut him off. “I’ll get you one. Please- half an hour.”

Alec bit his lip, and Magnus could see the look in his eyes that meant indecision between _fight or flight?_

“Half an hour.” Alec conceded. Magnus found he could breathe again.

The phone was bought and set up in forty minutes, and by that time Alec was smiling, not seeming to mind that they went over their established time frame. “Thank you.” Alec said.

“Not a problem. Never a problem." 

"Is this goodbye?”

“I won’t let it be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should start editing these things
> 
> ah well later


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A WILD UPDATE APPEARS

**New York, 2005**

“Alexander? Could you come here, please?” His mother’s voice was tight, her hands clasped together. Alec looked up from his book, head tilted. His father stood beside her, looking stiff and formal.

“Yes, mother, father?” Alec stood up, setting down the paperback.

“There’s going to be some… changes, to the Institute.”

“What sort of changes?” Alec asked skeptically.

“For starters, how about you not running off every five seconds?” Robert said, eyes blank and with a small shrug. “Just a suggestion.”

“What?” _They’re trying to trap me in here with them?_  "No!“ Alec took a step back, on the verge of full out panicking. "Please no-”

“Robert.” Maryse snapped. “That is not what this is about.”

 _I don’t want to be trapped I don’t want to be trapped please please please I won’t survive it if you trap me in this place._ Alec made a choking noise. “You can’t-”

“I can do what I want! I am the head of this Institute, and I am your father!” Robert took a step forward, hand starting to go up, and Alec scrambled backwards, hitting a wall. He scrabbled at the wood, splinters tearing the tips of his fingers.

Maryse grabbed Robert’s wrist and pushed him away from Alec. “Stop!”

Alec ran out the door while he had an opening. He ran, as he so often did, like his life depended on it.

Only when he was a full safe block away from the Institute did he stop, gulping in air.

Alec collapsed to the ground, hugging his knees tight to his chest, and breathed. In. Out. In. Out.

With shaky and bleeding fingers, he pulled out his phone and called the only number on it. “Magnus.” He gasped, still terrified but trying to shove it down- Shadowhunters don’t get scared. “Can… can I come over?”

“Always.” And his voice said he understood something was wrong. “Better yet, I’ll Portal over and get you.”

Alec tried to calm his nerves, his fear. Irrational fear. Completely irrational, and it was controlling him. This fear of being trapped. “Thanks. But how-”

Magnus hung up, and not even ten seconds later there was a swirling vortex that was a Portal, and Magnus stepped out, hair immaculate, make up perfect, basically being so in control of himself Alec was a little jealous. “You left your _stele_ at my place a few months ago. I’ve been keeping it for the occasion when I needed to track you and get there fast.”

“Thanks.” Alec whispered. “You can keep it.”

“What happened?”

Alec looked around. “Can we not talk here?”

Magnus gestured to his Portal. “After you.”

Alec jumped through without a hesitation. It led to the only place Alec had ever felt comfortable enough to call home, and he had absolutely no right to. He wrapped his arms around himself, looking around. The small rosemary plant in the windowsill was still there, despite Magnus’s threats to throw it away. Alec had planted it there a few weeks after his fifteenth birthday, and the smell always calmed him down.

Magnus came through the Portal a few seconds later, closing it behind him. He looked at Alec with large eyes, an unspoken question in them. Alec answered by shoving his sleeves up to show his arms. A smile tugged at Magnus’s mouth, but it was dulled by the fear in his eyes. “You know I’d usually get a cake for you and try to get you to have a drink, and you’d say no, but that’ll have to wait. What happened? Are you okay?”

Magnus reached out his hand to Alec’s face, but Alec shied away from his touch, like always. “Don’t touch me.” Alec whispered, and Magnus put his hand down.

“What happened?” Magnus asked, his voice shaking the way it did when he wanted to scream or get mad (not necessarily at Alec) but needed to keep his voice gentle. “What did your parents do?”

Alec’s heart snapped into action, pulsing at the speed of light. _Trapped trapped trapped._ “Could you open the window?” He gasped.

Magnus did, and brought back a sprig of the rosemary plant. Alec immediately started tearing it to shreds, trying to relax to where he wasn’t on the verge of hyperventilation. “My dad wanted me to stay in the Institute. I _can’t_ be trapped in there.”

Magnus was silent. Alec kept rambling, wringing the small piece of rosemary in his hands. “If he keeps me from leaving just one time, sooner or later I’m trapped in there forever and I can’t do that. I can’t.”

“It’s alright. I won’t let it happen.” Magnus fidgeted, like he wanted to give Alec a hug but knew he would reject it. His eyes widened. “Did he hit you. I swear to God I will-”

“No, no.” Alec stuttered. “Almost, but… no.”

Magnus bit his lip. “What do I have to say to get you out of that place?”

“That’s not an option. It never really was.”

—

Alec was sitting on the couch, hands on his face, practically inhaling his rosemary. Magnus tried to ignore the hurt feeling in his chest that stemmed from the fact that Alec rejected any kind of physical contact. But that wasn’t important to Magnus at that moment. What was important was making sure Alec was safe.

“Sleep.” Magnus suggested. “It almost always helps.”

“I can’t.” Alec said miserably, voice muffled by his hands. “I can never sleep.”

Magnus didn’t know that. He sat next to Alec, still a bit away so as not to startle him. _You are so not okay._ He despaired. “If I cast a light sleep spell, would that be okay? I won’t do it if you don’t want to.”

Alec shrugged. “I don’t care. Do what you want.”

Magnus hesitated, but waved his hand. There was a puff of blue smoke, and Alec’s eyes closed. Magnus threw a blanket over him.

Magnus’s phone chose that moment to ring. Aggravated, he went to it. “This is Magnificent Bane, how may I help you?” He asked without bothering to let the other person talk. Magnus twirled the cord connecting the phone to the wall around his finger.

“Hello, Mr. Bane.” Magnus scrunched his nose- very formal. “My name is Hodge Starkweather, member of the New York Institute. I’m sorry neither of the heads could come to the phone, but…” Hodge trailed off and Magnus could hear faint yelling in the background.

“Now, what could I do for a Shadowhunter?” Magnus asked. His voice hardened. “Are you accusing me of something?”

“No! Of course not. I just… I can’t leave the Institute, and a Shadowhunter has gone missing.”

Magnus looked at the teenager asleep on his couch. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Alec Lightwood- tall, black hair, blue eyes. If you see someone who matches that description, could you please… he was upset when he left.”

Magnus caught a whiff of that stupid rosemary plant. “I’ve never heard of him. Or, rather, I’ve only ever heard of him. Good day.”

“Will you call back if you see him?”

“Of course.” Magnus lied brightly, and promptly hung up.

—

Magnus couldn’t keep Alec forever. Sooner or later (Magnus chose to believe later) Alec convinced him to let him go back to the Institute. It was almost sunset. Magnus didn’t offer a Portal and Alec didn’t ask.

Alec kept his hands in his pockets as he walked back, and shuffled his feet as he walked. A glamour rune would have kept the mundanes from seeing him, but he’d rather not be looked at like he was invisible. Plus, he had spare change and a taxi was easier than walking.

He didn’t want to go into the Institute. He placed his hand on the door and stepped inside anyway. Life wasn’t about what he wanted- it didn’t matter.

There was a _boy_ lounging in the foyer. Alec stopped dead to stare at him. Obviously a Shadowhunter, with dark runes standing out on sun-golden skin. His hair was gold too, and his eyes. So much gold it was like staring at a sun.

Alec blinked and tried to shrink down into himself. “Who are you?” He asked, taking a step back.

“My name is Jace Wayland.” He said, his voice ever so slightly marred by a soft accent. “Did no one tell you I was coming?”

“N-no.” Alec looked at his hands. “Are you from the Clave?”

“I’m from the Austin Institute. It got attacked, and I’m the only one left. They sent me here because my father used to be Robert Lightwood’s parabatai.”

Alec’s eyes widened. “I remember- the Clave wouldn’t send you here because we hadn’t proven our loyalty yet.” _Code for they didn’t want to risk Circle members leaving a taint on a_ promising _Shadowhunter child._

“I argued until they would this time.” Jace grinned, his teeth as blinding and bright as the rest of him. “So what’s your name?”

“A-Alec.”

“Where were you?”

“Nowhere.” Alec muttered, and started to leave.

“You were obviously somewhere.” Jace argued. “That’s how location works.”

“I just want to go to sleep.” Alec said, thinking the lie would let him get away. It didn’t. Jace tilted his head at him and stepped in front of the door. He meant for it to look casual, but Alec had a lot of experience realizing when someone was trying to trap him in. _Trap trap trap._

“Um, can you not?” Alec gestured vaguely.

“What? Is this bothering you?”

“Yes.” Alec admitted, not looking at anything for longer than three seconds. “Please don’t block my exit.”

Amazingly, Jace listened and stepped aside. “Are you claustrophobic or something?”

Alec was quiet. Jace huffed. “Look, just tell me what’s bothering you so I don’t do it again. You’re no good to me as a hunting partner if I accidently wear red on Tuesday and you freak.”

Alec glared at him. “I dislike being in this Institute. I dislike being around my parents. And I _hate_ the feeling of being trapped.”

Jace met his gaze coldly. “Now why would you say something like that?”

“Because it’s true.”

—

Breakfast the next morning was… awkward, to say the least. It became obvious in about three minutes that Robert liked Jace better than Alec, Maryse argued with Hodge over a vampire/werewolf territory dispute (whatever they decided Alec would have to enforce) and Alec was just trying to eat his bacon while everyone glared at him.

Finally, he got sick of it. “Can I help you?”

“Where were you last night?” Hodge asked. “I was worried.”

 _I,_ Alec noted. _Not we, but I. Meaning my parents didn’t care, as per usual._ “Nowhere. Walking.”

Robert glared at him and Alec promptly shut up his attitude. _Keep a check on that._

Jace stood up. “I’m going to go on a quick perimeter check, get a feel for the area, stretch my legs, you know? Can Alec show me around?”

“Go ahead,” Maryse waved her fork.

Jace left, followed by Alec, his hands shoved in his pockets, head bowed.

Jace waited until they were outside the Institute to talk to Alec. “I want to know where you really went.”

“I don’t want to tell you.” Alec meant for it to come out as a snap, but it was more of a mumble.

“Why? What are you hiding?”

“If my parents knew, best case scenario they yell at me, worst case scenario I’m never allowed to leave the Institute again. I don’t know how they’d take it, and I can’t risk it.”

“I won’t tell them.”

Alec was quiet, and then whispered. “Okay.”

Jace rolled his eyes. “You are such a pushover. Work on that. If you mean no, say no and stick to it. We don’t have to if it will really bother you.”

“It’ll be fine, just please don’t tell anyone. I mean it.”

Jace held up his right hand. “Swear on the Angel.”

Before Alec could regret his decision, he led the way. He took three wrong turns to give himself more time to think it over and change his mind, but for some reason he wanted to tell someone about Magnus. _He saved my life, and I want someone to know he_ exists _to me._

When Alec led Jace up the stairs to Magnus’s loft, Jace asked, “This is the place? I expected something more… scandalous.”

Alec snorted and knocked on the door. “You in there, Magnus?”

The door swung wide open. Magnus’s hair whooshed to the side and was streaked through with golden highlights. His outfit was as bright as his smile, and his cat eyes were coated in glitter. “Alec!” He said happily. Alec smiled and dipped his head slightly, as a form of giving permission. Magnus reached over and ruffled his hair affectionately. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Things happen.” Alec shrugged. Magnus was looking at him expectantly, and Alec met his gaze with confusion. Magnus sighed. “Arms.”

“What? I was literally just here yesterday!”

“A lot can happen in a day.” Magnus waved his hand as Alec rolled his eyes and pushed up his sleeves. “Same as yesterday. Happy now?”

“Very.” Magnus looked past Alec and saw Jace. “Who is he?”

“Jace Wayland.” The golden boy made a motion like he was tipping his hat to Magnus. “Pleasure to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine.” Magnus muttered, and Alec hit his shoulder. “Ow! Rude.”

“So… how did you two meet? If you don’t mind my asking.” Jace added hastily.

Alec looked at the floor. “I…”

“You okay, Alec?” Magnus breathed so only Alec could hear. “I don’t know who he is, but you don’t owe him anything.”

“I’m fine. It’s my story to tell.” Alec replied. Raising his voice so Jace could hear, he said, “I tried to kill myself when I was fourteen and Magnus stopped me.”

“What?!”

“I’ll explain more.” Alec promised. To Magnus he said, “Can we come in?”

“You’re always welcome here, Alexander.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE UPDATE USES JALEC  
> IT IS SUPER EFFECTIVE


	5. Chapter 5

**New York, 2007**

"I can’t believe you, Jace.” Alec muttered as he tugged at the sleeve of his leather jacket. “Why do _I_ have to be the distraction? This is like the third time this week!”

“It’s not my fault I’m supernaturally good at rock-paper-scissors.” His parabatai said innocently. “You’ll do great.”

Alec looked at the club- the Pandemonium. _Stupid name if you ask me._ He thought. “So we just take care of a simple Eidolon demon and leave?”

“Yep. Easy in and out.”

“This is really not my department.” Alec muttered. “Maybe you should-”

“Fair is fair.” Jace grinned. “Just hope Magnus doesn’t get too jealous of the demon.”

“By the _Angel-_ " 

—

The demon had disguised himself as a boy with blue hair, and bright green eyes. He held a razor sharp blade in his hands, glamoured to look harmless to the mundanes. 

The dry ice smoke of the club swirled around him and pooled at his feet, and all the mundanes danced on top of it like it was a cloud. The demon wrinkled his nose. They were so full of _life,_ it wasn’t fair. 

The blue haired boy started to make his way to the dance floor when a boy caught his eye. Unlike everyone else, who seemed to borrow the fog to stand on, he seemed to come from it, and his life pulsed as bright as a supernova. His eyes were too blue to be possible, yet there they were. His hair was black, messy, unkept. He wore a leather jacket zipped up to the throat, and black jeans. Like he was trying to blend in, but it was impossible when he shined so bright. 

The human boy gave a shy smile, which the demon returned. 

—

Clary Fray and her best friend Simon Lewis were also in the Pandemonium that day. Clary tossed her head around, looking for the blue haired boy she’d seen in line. He looked a little lost, like he wasn’t sure what was going on. Maybe if she went up to him, talked to him…

"Clary, are you even listening to me?” Simon demanded, pushing up his glasses.

She ignored him temporarily. The blue haired boy stood up straighter, alert like some kind of predator. She followed his gaze to another boy.

His hair black and stuck up in weird tufts around his head, like he hadn’t bothered to brush it. He stood uncomfortably with his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket, but smiled at the blue haired boy. The blue haired boy hesitated, then smiled back.

“You’re staring at that guy we saw in line, aren’t you?” Simon snorted. “You thought he was cute.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Clary sighed. “I don’t think I’m his type.”

Simon shrugged. Clary kept an eye on the blue haired boy, who was now approaching the black haired boy. His eyes were an impossible shade of blue, and they were growing more uncomfortable with every step the other boy took. Clary could have sworn he mouthed something under his breath- she couldn’t read lips, so she had no idea what it might have been.

She saw a flash of color in the edge of her vision. A blonde, wearing all black and holding something that looked like…

“Simon, that guy has a knife!” She hissed and grabbed him, pointing. Simon squinted. “I don’t see anything.”

The black haired boy had retreated to a door that bore the sign _NO ADMITTANCE- STORAGE._ He entered, followed by the blue haired boy, with knife guy following close behind. Clary panicked.

“Go get help!” She said to Simon and started fighting her way through the crowd.

—

Alec glanced at the blue haired boy- or, rather, the blue haired demon. _Hurry up Jace this isn’t my forte._

“What’s your name?” The demon asked, still playing his roll in the story.

“Alec.” He managed.

“First time?”

“Um…” Alec thought about an answer to that. He reached up as if to scratch the back of his head, when he was really reaching for his magically concealed bow and arrow. _Thank God for Magnus Bane._ He thought.

The demon froze, staring at Alec’s wrist. Alec looked, and saw a bit of a rune poking out from under his sleeve. Oh no.

Alec pulled out his bow and fired an arrow as quick as he could, which was pretty quick. It hit the demon’s shoulder. It hissed and backed up, yanking out his arrow and throwing it to the floor. 

“Jace!” Alec called out, jumping backwards to avoid the demon’s flashing talons. “Arrows don’t _do_ short distance!” _I’m so screwed-_

Jace came from behind the demon, hitting it in the back so it stumbled and pulled out a pair of zip cuffs. Moving with typical Jace swiftness, he secured the demon’s hands, and tied it to a pillar with wires. “Anyone else with you, or just you?” He asked cheerfully.

The demon glared and grit its teeth. “Any other what?”

“You know what we are.” Jace grinned, eyes glittering, his old Texas accent revealing itself in his excitement. 

“ _Shadowhunters.”_ It hissed.

“Got you!” Jace held out his hand for a fist bump with Alec.

—

Clary burst into the storage room, eyes wide. It seemed empty, but then she heard something. A boy’s laugh. 

“Come on, Alec, it wasn’t that bad.” 

And just like that Clary could see them. The black haired boy, and the blonde, conversing like friends, while the blue haired boy was bound to a concrete pillar with wires. Clary ducked behind the nearest pillar and watched. 

“Yes, it was, Jace.” The black haired boy, who must be Alec, answered. “It is _your_ turn to be the distraction.”

“You’re so unprofessional. Magnus would disapprove. We’re in the middle of an interrogation.” Jace, the blonde, looked at the blue haired boy. “So are there any more of your kind here?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The blue haired boy said simply. _He’s lying._ Clary thought.

Alec reached for a bow and quiver on his back. “Demons. You know what a demon is, correct?”

 _They’re crazy._ Clary realized. _All of them._

 _“_ I could tell you where Valentine is.” The boy growled. 

Jace’s laughing eyes turned hard. “Valentine is dead. Six feet under and all that.”

Alec sighed. “Kill it. It won’t tell us anything-”

“No!” Clary yelled, running out of hiding. “You can’t!”

Jace and Alec froze. Jace’s knife dropped from his hand. Alec was the first to speak. “What is this?” He demanded.

“It’s a girl.” Jace laughed a little. “Surely you’ve seen girls before, Alec.”

“Not mundie girls bursting into the middle of a hunt!”

“No.” Jace agreed, and turned to Clary. “She can see us.”

“Of course I can!” She snapped. “You can’t just kill people!”

“You’re right.” Jace nodded to her. “But this thing is not a person. It looks like a person, talks like one and bleeds like one, but it is not.”

Clary started to stammer something, but the blue haired boy burst out of his restraints and leaped at Jace. Alec was suddenly in front of him, shoving the blonde boy aside and the blue haired boy’s fingers were talons slashing across Alec’s chest. Jace acted quick, darting to grab the knife he had dropped.

Alec shoved the boy off of him, standing up and grabbing at a bow that had suddenly appeared along with a quiver of arrows on his back. Jace stabbed the blue haired boy before Alec could make a move.

“ _The Forsaken will take you all._ ” The boy hissed as he died, shrinking in on himself until he disappeared. Jace ignored him, and rushed to Alec, who was leaning against a pillar, red oozing from under his white T-shirt. “Now why would you do that?” He whispered. Jace turned to Clary. “That was a demon. They return to their home dimension when they die.”

“You’re crazy.” Clary said.

“You could have gotten my best friend killed.” Jace replied evenly. He turned back to Alec. “We need to get you to Magnus.”

“He’s in Tanzania or something.” Alec winced.

“Then we need to get you to the Institute.” Jace said it like _we need to euthanize your dog._ Alec froze. “And we can bring her back too.”

“Absolutely not. She’s a _mundane._ ” Alec clasped Jace’s arm. “You know the stakes if we break the Law. You the stakes if we break the _rules_.”

“Alec, she can see us.” He turned back to Clary. “Have you walked with warlocks, dealt with the Children on the Night, or-”

Alec winced again and Jace returned all attention to him. “It might have been poisonous. I’m calling Magnus. He won’t mind.”

“It’s not a big deal Jace.”

Clary stumbled backwards. “You’re both insane.”

“Nah, just me.” Alec grinned, even though he was obviously in pain.

“Clary?” It was Simon, at the door with one of the burly bouncers. “What happened to the guy with the knife?”

Clary looked behind her, at Alec, still bleeding, and Jace, still concerned by all the red. “I think I imagined it. I’m sorry. It was a mistake.”

—

“Jace, don’t make me tell you again.” Alec muttered as they walked out of that stupid club. “Don’t bring her back to the Institute- you can’t break the Law.”

“Of course Alec, I’m not stupid.”


	6. Chapter 6

“I should have stayed at Magnus’s.” Alec crossed his arms and glared at Jace, who wasn’t letting him into the Institute. “I said I’m fine!”

“That word.” Jace muttered darkly, stepping aside to let him in. “I don’t think you know what it means.”

Alec rolled his eyes as he and Jace walked through the Institute. Magnus- who was magically not in Tanzania anymore- had insisted that Alec stay overnight to recover from the gash the blue haired demon at the Pandemonium had given him. Alec had put up little resistance for two reasons. One, he hated the Institute, and two, the wound had been kinda green. “Jace, Magnus _said_ I was healed! I trust him completely!” 

“And I do too.” Jace said quickly, tripping over his accent. It came out when he got too excited or emotional. “But the wound was green, Alec! Green! You were unconscious on Magnus’s floor because you were _poisoned_! I think I’m allowed to fret just a little!”

“But I didn’t die.” Alec pointed out. “Magnus is an expert.”

Jace sighed and stared at his hands. “So, while you were gone...”

“Oh, Raziel, what did you break?”

“Nothing! Not a single rule!” Jace smiled uneasily. “But that’s mostly banking on technicalities and circumstances... Please don’e be mad at me?”

“What. Did. You. Do?”

Jace opened the door to the infirmary and Alec saw a flash of red hair, splayed out on a pillow. “No.” He said. “Absolutely not.”

“You weren’t the only one with demon poisoning, my _parabatai_.” Jace waltzed in and sat by the red headed mundane’s bed. “A Ravener got her.”

“Wait, wait, I’m confused.” Alec held up a hand. “I’ve obviously been out of the loop. What day is it?”

Jace thought about it. “Tuesday morning. The Ravener got her last night, and you’ve been at Magnus’s since Sunday night. We all caught up now?”

“All except for the fact that _why is there a mundane in my Institute_?” Alec hissed. 

“The Law _says_ we _have_ to give shelter to mundanes in duress! She could have been killed out there- I was following the Law.”

“And the fact that you think she’s cute has nothing to do with it?”

Jace ignored him. “Besides, she’s not a mundane. I Marked her.”

“You WHAT?” Alec spluttered. “Are you out of your MIND?”

“Alec, she’s a Shadowhunter.” Jace shrugged like _don’t ask me_. “I was talking to her, and she got a call from her mom telling her not to go home. So, of course, she went home and took my Sensor with her. When I got there, there was a half dead Ravener and Clary laying on the ground with a sting. I drew a healing rune on her and she’s not dead or crazy, so it worked. There were too may demons there, so I took her here.”

Alec dragged a hand down his face. “It’s too early in the morning for this. I’m going to try to get some sleep. Don’t wait for me. If she wakes up, it can wait.”

“So she can stay?”

Alec sighed and ignored the excitement in Jace’s voice. “Yes. But _only_ because we need answers- why she can see us, why she can be Marked, why demons are hunting her.”

“Alright.” Jace grinned. “Alec... thank you.”

Alec hesitated before smiling back. “Not a problem. I trust you. Just don’t screw that up for yourself.” _My trust is in short supply._

Alec somehow accidentally wound up in the library instead of his room. Church greeted him at the door, rolling onto his back and stretching, asking for a belly rub. Alec sighed and picked up the cat. He purred.

Hodge was in the library, drinking tea and reading through a book Alec knew he’d read ten times. “Alexander.” He said, and Alec tried not to wince at his full name. “What a lovely surprise.”

“I think I got lost?” Alec’s voice raised it as a question without him meaning to, and he cleared his throat as Hodge chuckled. Alec hugged Church to his chest, and the cat grudgingly let him. 

“It’s alright.” Hodge stood up to let Alec take the good chair, the one he so often curled up to try to sleep in at night, trying to breathe in the smell of dry paper and ignore the shouting of his parents upstairs. Alec nodded a thank you and sat down, keeping Church snuggled close to him. 

“I’ll go check on Jace and the girl.” Hodge said and left Alec alone.

Alec should have known he wouldn’t be able to sleep- he never seemed to be able to. He sighed and shoved his face in Church’s clean fur. “Am I broken?”

Church said _meow_ and wriggled out of Alec’s arms, padding away with his tail held high. Alec sighed and closed his eyes. “Yah. That’s what I thought.”

\---

“Alexander, what are you doing?” Someone snapped at him. “Get up!”

Alec bolted awake, nearly falling out of the chair. “What?” He yelped, heart about to pound out of his chest. “Demons? Murders? What’d I miss?”

His father glared at him. Alec felt he wanted to shy away, but couldn’t. _Trapped._ “Why is there a mundane in the Institute?”

“She’s, uh, a-actually n-not a mund-dane.” Alec stuttered out. “Besides, she was in trouble.”

“Why are you always causing problems like this?” Robert demanded. Alec looked at his hands, and started rubbing his wrist _._ “Why can’t you be more like Jace?”

“Actually, I was the one who brought her here.” Jace walked into the library, pose casual, eyes murderous. “And she was in trouble- if I hadn’t brought her here, she would have died.”

Robert nodded understandingly. Jace looked slightly furious at this, but said nothing. Alec shuffled uncomfortably, and tried to ignore the burst of relief in his chest that stemmed not from the fact that Jace was there, but his father hadn’t hit him. 

“Clary’s making a great recovery.” Jace said conversationally, smiling so easily. “Maybe she’ll be up by noon.”

“Maybe.” Robert said carefully. Alec could feel his pulse in his wrist, throbbing and beating under his skin, the blood practically begging to be released. He tightened his grip on his wrist, as if that would help.

“Jace.” Alec whispered. Both heads turned to look at him and Alec wished he could just disappear. No one would even miss him. Alec couldn’t think of anything to say, except what he didn’t want his father to know.

“Your hands are shaking, Alexander.” Robert said coldly. “Say something!”

“I-just-membered-I-need-to-tell-Hodge-somethin.” Alec mumbled, feeling the overwhelming weight of his lameness crash over him. 

“Speak up!” 

Alec shot Jace a look. _Don’t say anything._

Jace looked back like, _I’m right here._

 _“_ I...” Alec hoped he was imagining the blurriness at the edge of his vision. 

Robert snorted. “You’re useless, anyways.” With that he left. 

Jace immediately went to Alec’s side, kneeling by the arm of the chair. “Alec, you’re shaking. Look, I don’t care what they think and I wouldn’t mind- go stay with Magnus for a little longer.”

“I’m fine, Jace.” Alec snapped, not meaning to snap. “I don’t need to be rescued.”

Jace looked at him sadly. “Okay.”

Alec shook his head and closed his eyes tight, horrified to feel tears. He tightened his hands into fists, and breathed. _I’m broken. “_ You should go.” Alec mumbled. “Sit by Clary or something.”

“But Hodge is watching her, she’ll be fine. I want to stay with you-”

“Yah, well.” Alec started, but stopped. He looked at the ground. “I just need to be alone for a little.”

“Alright.” Jace stood up and brushed dust off of his jeans. “I love you, Alec.”

“I love you too.” 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which i (mostly) skip the clace and the info dumping so yah know what deal with it

“And this is the library.” Jace said, gesturing to the closed door. Clary tilted her head, feeling a little more than uncomfortable in the dusty Shadowhunter gear Jace had dug up. Even so, she noticed him hesitating, not seeming to want to open the door.

“Alec?” He finally called. 

“Come on in.” Came a muffled reply. Jace grinned and swung the door to the library open. 

Besides the obviously thousands of books on the shelves and tables, there were cozy looking chairs. One of them was occupied by the black haired boy from the Pandemonium. _Alec_ , she thought. He looked like he wanted to disappear into his armchair. 

He regarded her cynically, then apparently thought she wasn’t worth the effort and slumped back into his chair. “Well, Jace, looks like she’s not dead.”

“Such a pity.” Jace rolled his eyes and gave Clary a look that meant _I didn’t mean it. “_ Clary, this is Alec, my best friend.”

“Nice to meet you?” Clary wondered if she should try to shake his hand. Seeing as he looked rather unfriendly, she decided not to. She shook her head- she wasn’t here to make friends. “So what are you doing to find my mom?”

“We’re working on it.” Jace assured her. “I’d be more worried about that Ravener. They usually aren’t the kind to plan and go out- they act under orders from more powerful demons or warlocks-”

Alec growled- actually _growled._ If he had hackles they’d be raised. Jace’s eyes widened. “You _know_ I’m not talking about Mags! I’d never accuse him of something like this!”

“My mother wasn’t anything of interest to… demons.” Clary stuttered. “Or warlocks, she doesn’t believe in magic.” 

“Then we’re back to square one.” Alec raised an eyebrow. “Any other ideas, mundie?”

“She’s not a mundane, Alec, remember? I Marked her.”

“And I can’t believe you did.” Alec stood up, and started rubbing his wrist. “But it must mean… she has Shadowhunter blood.”

“Who?” A man stepped into the library, dressed in a clean suit. “Oh. Clary.”

“Clary, this is Hodge.” Jace smiled. 

Hodge looked at her while Jace explained everything they had talked about, some they hadn’t, and Alec interjected once or twice.

Hodge nodded. “I’ll send word to the Silent Brothers. They may want to speak to her.”

“Come on Clary.” Jace said, grinning. “Let’s go get you some new clothes- or go check out what’s left of your house- while Hodge writes boring letters. Alec?”

“I’m going to Central Park and I’m going to sleep on a bench for a thousand years.” He declared. 

“You do that.” Jace said, and as Clary followed him out of the library, she noticed that Alec followed.

—

Alec, true to his word, let Clary and Jace run off wherever they wanted. Not his problem as far as he was concerned. Let them be all heart eyes somewhere else before he threw up.

He sat silently on the ground, leaning against a small tree, looking out at the mundanes. What innocent, demon free lives they must lead. What would it be like to wake up one morning and realize he didn’t have to worry about the safety of all these clueless idiots, that someone else would take care of it for once?

Hours later, his phone buzzed. Jace. 

Alec answered. “Yeh?”

“Man, you should have come with us!” His accent was out, stronger than Alec had ever heard it before (not counting when he first came). “So we went to Clary’s house, right? And there was a Forsaken! Which I killed, obviously. And then that witch who lives by her apparently has a _Portal_ which Clary _jumped_ through and we ran into her mundie friend Simon. And Luke- who’s her mom’s friend -was being interrogated by Circle members and then we went back to the Institute and talked to Hodge and Clary’s mom was Valentine’s _wife_!”

Alec blinked. “Okay, slow down. WHAT?”

“Come home and I’ll explain more. Besides, Maryse ordered Chinese.”

Alec’s stomach demanded it be fed. “I’ll be right over.” He sighed.

“Or I can come to you.”

“No, it’s fine. I’d like to talk to Hodge.” Alec stood up. “Clary and you are going to the Silent City tomorrow, right?”

“Of course you can come.” Jace said without a hesitation. Alec smiled. He liked that Jace always seemed to know what he was going to ask before he said it. “Thanks.”

“Never a problem, Alec. Love you.”

“Love you too. Save me some Chinese.”

—

Jace, Clary and Alec stood barely outside the Institute’s gates, waiting for Brother Zachariah at five in the morning the next day. Alec was standing a bit away, but he could still hear Clary whispering to Jace.

“Why is he here?” Clary hissed.

Jace avoided the fact that Alec despised the Institute, especially being in it without Jace. “I want him here. He wants to be here.”

“I don’t think he likes me.”

“He just doesn’t have much experience with people. He lived with Hodge and his parents alone until he was 14.”

“That’s when you came?”

“No, I was a year later.”

“Then who-” Clary started, but Alec casually nudged the gate with his shoulder, producing a sharp clanging sound. “Our ride’s here.”

A dark black carriage pulled by two smoky horses rolled up. Clary’s eyes widened. Jace opened the door for her. “After you.” Alec rolled his eyes as Jace held the door for him too, grinning. The carriage started moving the second Jace hopped in, closing the door behind him.

The ride was silent, with Clary looking at Alec distrustfully. He rolled his eyes and stared out the window, breathing as the city tore past him. 

It was a few minutes before Jace said, “we’re here” and the carriage rolled to a stop. Alec was jolted out his daydream trance and looked at the words on the arch they rolled under. _NEW YORK MARBLE CEMETERY_. 

Clary looked around anxiously as they stepped out. Brother Zachariah was standing by a statue of an angel holding a depiction of the Mortal Cup, with the year 1234 inscribed on the base, along with _Nephilim: Facilis Descencus Averni._

 _“_ Is that supposed to be the Mortal Cup?” Clary asked, looking up at Jace.

He nodded. “And that’s the motto of the Shadowhunters, right there.”

“What does it mean?”

Jace opened his mouth, no doubt to say something sarcastic, but Alec interrupted him. “It means the decent into Hell is easy. Now down we go.”

Brother Zachariah drew a rune on the base of the angel statue, and the grass below them opened up into a dark yawning void, with worn stairs leading into some kind of dark abyss. 

Alec practically jumped down, bounding down the stairs as the others followed slower. “It’s a mausoleum.” He heard Jace say to Clary. “A tomb. We bury our dead here.”

“Not all the dead.” Alec corrected. Jace nodded.

At the end of the stairs was a tunnel, which widened and turned into a square room, with torches burning in the corners. Brother Zachariah must have said something exclusive to Clary, because she nodded and stepped forward. Jace and Alec stood back, and watched.

“Think she’s gonna be okay?” Jace whispered.

“She better.” Alec looked at the row of Silent Brothers in their paper colored robes,  “Sooner or later a Silent Brother is going to recognize me and start yammering my head off about old scars and past healings and crap. It’s happened before.”

“That was one time.” Jace sighed, keeping his eyes on Clary. “Go ahead.” She said, her voice barely a whisper.

Just a few minutes later, she shrieked, and blood sprouted from her arm as she collided with the marble floor. Jace let in a shaky breath, and Alec admitted he was a little worried. Brother Zachariah nodded at Jace and Alec, and Jace rushed to help Clary. Alec saw them talking to each other in low voices, and Jace drew a healing rune on her arm.

 _I will show you out._ Brother Zachariah said. _This way._

Clary refused to talk about it while they were walking back up to the surface, so they walked in silence. When they reached the surface, Alec found himself rubbing his wrist.

“Are we taking the carriage back?” Clary asked.

Jace looked at Alec. “Let’s go to Taki’s. I’m starving.”

—

Only when seated at a booth, about to be served pancakes, would Clary talk. And then she talked a lot. 

“The Silent Brothers said the block in my mind could only be removed by the person who put it there in the first place.”

“Okay, but did we get a name?” Alec asked, slightly bored. 

“Magnus Bane? What’s a Magnus Bane?”

Alec jerked his body into a completely straight position, sitting on the edge of his seat, eyes wide, and choked on his water. “ _What_?”

“Who is that?”

Jace laughed. “Oh, this is going to be _easy_!” 

“I don’t get what’s so funny.” Clary scowled. “Who is Magnus Bane?”

“He’s the High Warlock of Brooklyn.” Alec said, tapping his fingers on the table with one hand, rubbing his wrist with the other. “Extremely powerful, not someone you want to mess with-”

“He and Alec share a deep, personal connection.” Jace grinned and Alec scowled at him. Clary didn’t notice and looked even more confused than ever. “But I thought you were Alec’s best friend.”

 _You know, Clary, I’m right here._ Alec crossed his arms. _Stop talking about me like I’m not here._

Jace took a second to process that, then started howling with laughter. “Oh, no! I am Alec’s best friend. Magnus is Alec’s boyfriend.”

“Jace!” Alec hissed. “By the Angel, _we’re not dating_. Don’t you dare listen to his lies, Clary. Magnus is just my friend.”

“What is your friend’s name doing in my head?” Clary demanded. 

“I have no idea.” Alec muttered and started to stand up, fishing his phone out of his pocket. “But he and I are going to have a _long_ talk about that.”

Jace made a coughing noise that sounded suspiciously like the word _dating_. Alec shot him a glare before calling Magnus. 

He picked up immediately. “Alec! Wasn’t expecting you.”

Alec had fully expected to go on an angry rant, but he faltered. “Hey Magnus.” He said instead. “You good?”

“As always. Are you? Is something wrong? Who do I need to fight?”

“No one, I’m fine, I’m fine.” Alec leaned against the wall and ignored Jace’s smirk. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Do you know a Clary Fray?”

“Anything but that.” Magnus corrected.

“Magnus!”

“Why do you ask?”

“Because I’m at Taki’s and she is sitting right next to Jace. Would you like to speak to her? Clary, Magnus wants to talk to you!”

“No no it’s fine!” Magnus said quickly and sighed. “I’m sorry. Look, I’ll explain it to you. You can come over as soon as it’s convenient to you, and I swear I’ll explain.”

“Thanks.” Alec smiled, then remembered Magnus couldn’t see him. “Sorry if I sounded hostile. It’s been a stressful few days. It shouldn’t really be that big of a deal. We just need you to take your block off her mind.”

“Of course.” 

“See you in a little.”


	8. Chapter 8

“Is this it?” Clary asked, looking at Magnus’s apartment building.

“Yes.” Alec muttered as he climbed the stairs. “Do you have a problem with it?”

“I don’t know, I guess I was just expecting something a bit more… castle-ish.” Clary shrugged. From behind her, Jace laughed. “Oh, Raziel, don’t give him ideas!”

Alec rolled his eyes and pressed the buzzer. A few moments later, Magnus opened the door, eyes bright and face smiling. “Alec!”

Alec grinned despite himself. “Hey, Magnus.” He held out his arms before he could ask, and pushed up his sleeves to show smooth pale skin. “Tada.”

“Don’t be so sarcastic.” Magnus laughed as if that was hilarious, and threw his arm out to allow the Shadowhunters entry. “Welcome to my humble abode. Sorry it’s not a castle, biscuit.”

“Look what you started. This is why we can’t have nice things.” Alec flopped onto Magnus’s couch and kicked off his boots, actually _smiling_.

Magnus looked at Clary. “Hello.”

“H-hello. So you’re the one who put a block on my memories?”

“At your mother’s request.” Magnus said quickly, glancing at Alec. “There was also a confidentiality clause in this agreement, and-”

“It’s not a big deal.” Alec shrugged. Jace was grinning at him, and Alec was ignoring him. “Can you undo the spell?”

“Sorry. I made it too perfect.” Alec rolled his eyes at that as Magnus spread out his hands helplessly. “If it helps, it should wear off eventually. It was never meant to be permanent- it needed to be renewed, per se, every two years.”

“Why would my mother want to take away my memories?” Clary asked, crossing her arms. 

“To keep you safe. To keep you away from the Shadow World.” Magnus snorted. “Looked like that plan backfired.”

Clary looked annoyed. Jace went to stand by her. “It’s alright. Not all of us are horrible. Just Alec.”

“Love you, Jace.” Alec said dryly. Magnus sat down next to Alec and drew his legs up to his chest. A small cat the size of a hamster hopped between them.

“But when your spell fades off, I’ll get my memories back?”

“Maybe.” Magnus shrugged. “Not really sure. But I do have an idea that might help.”

“Thanks, Magnus.” Jace inputted, but Magnus had already scooped up his hamster cat and walked out. When he came back, he had a large green book in his arms and a cat on his head.

“This is a copy of the Gray Book, and yes Jace I know I probably shouldn’t have this, but I checked and there is no Law _against_ it.” Magnus started flipping through the pages. He presented the book to Clary, open to a certain page. “Now study this until you feel something change.”

Clary stared at it curiously for a minute or so, before sighing and turning the page. Magnus watched her carefully for a few pages before snatching the book away. “Hey. Read all the runes at once and you’ll give yourself a headache.”

“Magnus showed you the rune for remembrance.” Jace explained. “It opens your mind to the rest of the runes.”

“And it should, ideally, help your memories faster than they would otherwise. It’s the best I can do.”

“But I still don’t remember anything about the Mortal Cup.” Clary argued. 

Magnus tilted his head, then laughed. “Biscuit, I’ve been in your head. There’s nothing in there about the Mortal Instruments.”

“But we need to get to it before Valentine!” Jace said. “Come on, even you have to admit that’s important.”

Magnus shrugged. “Not many things are important to me.” He seemed to subconsciously drift towards Alec as he said that. “If I had to choose between Valentine and the Clave, I’d choose the Clave, only because they’re not sworn to kill me and others like me. But they haven’t exactly done many things that make me like them. So I’m going to try to stay as neutral as possible.”

Clary looked at the ground. “Thanks for trying to help.”

“No problem, biscuit.” Magnus said cheerfully. “Anyone want ice cream?”

Jace and Alec both raised their hands.

—

“Magnus doesn’t exactly seem trustworthy.” Clary admitted as they walked back to the Institute. “He seems a little…”

“Crazy?” Alec suggested. “He is, but he’s also trustworthy. I’d trust him with Jace’s life.”

“Not yours?”

Alec went oddly quiet. Jace cleared his throat. “It’s just because I’m so fantastic. If you trust someone with me, you have to trust they’ll give me back.”

Clary laughed, but still found Alec’s lack of response weird. He’d gone back to being unanimated and quiet, rubbing his wrist. “What was the thing with the arms?”

Alec rolled his shoulders uncomfortably. “Please stop asking questions.”

“But-”

“Clary.” Jace whispered, and she dropped it. 

By the time they got back to the Institute, Jace had moved to be directly beside Alec, yet never touching him, murmuring under their breaths. Clary didn’t even try to listen in.

When they were actually inside of the Institute, Alec muttered something about Hodge and the library and disappeared, leaving Clary with Jace.

“How are we going to find the Cup if I don’t have any memory of it?” 

“It’s alright. It’s not your fault. We’ll figure it out.” Jace grinned and crossed his arms, leaning against the wall. “Now that you’ve seen Magnus and Alec interact, can we all agree they’ve been dating behind my back?”

“I don’t think so.” Clary said, and Jace shrugged. “How much are you willing to bet on that?”

“I don’t bet. I think I’m going to go talk to Hodge, too.”

“Hey.” Jace jerked up, standing up straight and alert. “Don’t tell anyone here that Magnus and Alec know each other. It wouldn’t go over well.”

“Why?”

“Because Magnus is a Downworlder.” Jace said it as if that explained everything.

Clary started walking down to where she thought the library was, when she heard an angry, low voice, like a hiss or a growl. She poked her head around the corner, just barely.

Thinking back to Magnus’s, Clary remembered how relaxed and calm Alec had looked, with a smile and loose limbs and smooth motions. So much different than how he looked now, with a bowed head and incredibly slouched position, completely still. A grown man towered over him, which wasn’t easy seeing as Alec had to be at least six feet tall.

“Why do you feel it’s okay to just run off whenever you want?” The man hissed.

“I-I’m sorry.” Alec whispered, his blue eyes flashing from side to side. Clary ducked so he wouldn’t see her. “I just-”

“Is that _all_ you can do?” Alec folded his arms over his stomach and shifted his eyes downward. “Run? Not fight? Is that why you keep coming home with scars and cuts?”

“N-no…”

“Then why?” The man took a step closer to Alec and he flinched. “I’m sorry!” Alec cried out, throwing out his arms in front of his face.

Clary quickly and quietly ran back a few yards down the long Institute hallway, then walked back, making sure her boots clacked loudly on the hardwood floor. Before she turned the corner, she called out, “Alec?”

When she was standing in the hallway, Alec was leaning against a wall, trying to look casual, muscles completely rigid. The man was nearby, scowling. Clary ignored him and turned to Alec. “Hey, did you forget about that archery lesson? You _promised_.”

“S-sorry.” He stuttered, playing along. “It just slipped my mind.”

“Can I borrow Alec, Mr. …” Clary turned to the man. He was large, and rather threatening. 

“Lightwood.” The man said gruffly, and walked away. Clary felt like she was going to be sick to her stomach, but Alec actually looked it. She kept her smile up anyway as she and Alec walked away, and she kept smiling until they reached the training room and by then her face hurt.

“Oh God.” Alec rasped, clutching his stomach. “How much did you see? You definitely saw.”

“If we get Magnus to magic some CPS workers into thinking this is an actual house, we could get you out.” Clary crossed her arms. Alec looked at her, confused. “What is CPS?”

“Child Protective Services!” Clary nearly shrieked. “That was _abuse_ , Alec, if not physical than mental and emotional! You’re terrified of your _father_ who you _live_ with and-”

“Keep your voice down!” Alec was shivering. “Please, don’t let anyone hear you, by God.”

“What was that about scars? And you showed Magnus your arms…” Clary’s eyes widened. “Oh, my God, you _cut_.”

“Please, be quiet.” Alec begged. Clary lowered her voice, but since Alec wasn’t telling her to stop, she continued. “You’re being abused and you self harm? Alec, you need _help_. Serious help. That’s it. I’m calling the Shadowhunter CPS.”

“Don’t! Please!” Alec’s voice went up an octave. He bit his lip and looked at the ground. “I’m fine.”

Clary stared at him blankly. “Do you _not_ own a dictionary?”

“Clary, maybe you don’t understand everything about this world, but if I was going to tell anyone I would have done it a long time ago.”

“Then why haven’t you? Did he threaten you? He can’t hurt you if he’s in jail.” Clary tried to remember where her phone was.

“Because he’s family.” Alec was seriously trembling now. Clary realized what he was doing now- defensive and submissive body language, used to show fear. “If the Clave knew, I’m not sure what they’d do. But it wouldn’t end up happy for anyone. Dead dad, at least. Maybe even mom. And me? The Clave doesn’t like Shadowhunters like me. Shadowhunters who aren’t perfect.”

“No one is perfect, Alec.”

He gave a bitter laugh. “Tell that to the Clave. And then _Jace_ comes along. Don’t get me wrong, I love him to pieces, but following the rules doesn’t come naturally to him. And he’s _still_ perfect at everything ever.”

Clary was running out of things to say. “Jace isn’t perfect. Sure, he has the face of an angel and…”

“Don’’t even try. There’s nothing wrong with Jace. But there’s a mile long list of my faults.”

“Everyone feels like that sometimes, Alec.”

“But this is true.” Alec sighed and sat down, slumped against the wall. “I should have just offed myself years ago. Would have saved me a hella lot of pain.”

“Alec, please.” Clary kneeled in front of him and clasped her hands together. “Please, talk to me. What is going on with you?”

Alec looked at her the same way he had when she first got to the Institute, like he wanted to analyze a potential threat, but couldn’t find the energy. "I’m just tired, Clary. This place wears me to the bone until there’s nothing left.”

“Magnus makes you happy.” Clary smiled at Alec, and he snorted. “You were really nice when you were with him. Like… here, you’re bleached out and drawn in greys and sad blues. But Magnus gives you your color back where you can be green with envy and red with embarrassment and blue on your bad days, but you have him to get you through it. You can have emotions and feelings instead of being sad and repressed.”

Alec gaped at her for a few seconds before saying, “Artist. Mundie artist.”

“I take pride in that, actually.” Clary sat up straighter. Alec rolled his eyes, but he was smiling slightly. “Magnus really cheers you up.”

“Of course he does. He saved my life, he was my first friend, my first-” Alec suddenly stopped talking.

Clary raised an eyebrow and took a guess. “Your first crush?”

Alec’s face turned red. “Maybe?”

“Alec, you should ask him out.”

“By the Angel, you come in here, start screwing with my life, and now you’re giving me relationship advice?” Alec stared at the ground. “I don’t think he’d go for me.”

“Is he straight?”

Alec laughed. “That’s really funny. He’s bi. But I’ve known him since I was fourteen- he practically saw me grow up. With my luck, he sees me as a little brother or a good friend.”

“I think Magnus really likes you too.” Clary noticed how much perkier Alec was with just the mention of Magnus’s name. “You should go for it.”

“Tell you what. If you find the Cup, I’ll ask him out.” Alec grinned, then faltered. “You… won’t tell anyone else about what you saw?”

Clary bit her lip. “I want to, because you don’t deserve that. But if you _really_ want me to keep quiet…”

“Please.”

“Okay then.” Clary stood up, and offered Alec her hand. Alec eyed it suspiciously, before slowly taking it and letting Clary help him up. “Now, you were going to tell Hodge something?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as if you guys couldn't tell by now, I do not edit these at ALL I brain vomit chapters onto tumblr then post them here and if I forgot anything or spelled something wrong please point it out I won't be mad I'll thank you


	9. Chapter 9

“Alec, Clary.” Hodge said warmly, getting up from his chair, and setting down his book. “I wasn’t expecting you two. Is everything alright?”

“It’s all fine.” Alec said before Clary could say anything. “I just wanted to ask you if you had any sort of lead. Memories were a bust.”

Alec wasn’t good at very many things, including Shadowhuntering, finding lost Mortal Instruments, and badminton. But he was very good at keeping secrets. The less Hodge knew about Robert and Alec’s relationship, the better.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Hodge sighed. “Then we have nothing.”

“Looks like we’ll just have to scour every inch of this city.” Clary said unhappily. “I’m sorry…”

“It’s not your fault.” Hodge assured. Clary sat down at one of the tables scattered around the library, meant for the purposes of researching, and put her head in her hands. “I’m thinking. Where would my mother hide something of value…”

Alec shoved his hands in his pocket. “I’ll see if Jace wants to join our study party.” 

“Can you grab my sketchbook if it’s not too much trouble?” Clary asked, turning her head to look at him. Her eyes asked a silent question. _Are you going to be okay?_

 _I think I can walk across my own house without dying, thank you for your confidence, Clary._ “No problem.”

“Thanks, Alec.”

Jace only showed mild resistance to joining the study party. He seemed to be much more interested when Alec mentioned Clary was there. Alec rolled his eyes and made Jace carry Clary’s sketch book.

“Hi Jace.” Clary said happily, eyes lighting up. Jace smiled and half-kneeled beside her chair, knees bent and balancing on the balls of his feet. Clary was doodling, and Jace was watching silently. Alec closed his eyes and tried to remember the last time he got a decent night’s rest.

At some point, Clary sat up so fast she knocked over her chair, and the clatter woke Alec up from a bad dream. His eyes snapped open. “What?”

“I think I know where my mother hid the cup.” She breathed. Jace was standing by her proudly, smiling supportively. “Look!”

She practically shoved her sketchbook at Alec. He looked at it, confused. “Um… that is a very good drawing of a coffee cup?”

Clary snorted. “Look.” She reached _into_ her sketch, and pulled out a simple white coffee cup with a chip at the brim. Alec blinked while she looked at him expectantly, like she was expecting him to jump and shout _Egad_!

“My mother hid the Cup _inside_ a painting. A tarot card, to be exact.” Clary looked up at Jace and grinned. “It’s hidden in the Ace of Cups in Madame Dorothea’s card deck.”

“That’s… brilliant, Clary.” Alec laughed. Jace laughed too, and wrapped an arm around Clary’s shoulders, and kissed her.

—

“Why are we borrowing Simon’s car, again?” Alec asked, crossing his arms, looking over his shoulder.

“I want to be able to control our transportation when dealing with a mission of such monumental importance.” Jace was standing by Clary, his arms also crossed. His were crossed because he was cold- he’d given Clary his jacket to stay dry in the slight drizzle. The hem of Alec’s jeans was already cold and wet. _Hurrah for weather._

Simon drove up to the driveway honking, and Clary gave a light hearted groan. Alec thought the car looked a little… dead. Painted dull yellow and covered in dents and rust, it looked dead.

Splashing through murky rainwater, the trio walked towards their ride. If the outside of the car looked dead, the inside was roadkill. Dangerous looking springs stuck up from the torn up seats. “Are you sure those won’t impale us?”

“Relax.” Simon said pleasantly, and leaned over dramatically to fist bump Clary. “Hop in.”

Alec rubbed rain out of his eyes and got into the yellow mundie death van. Jace sat beside him, fiddling with his _stele_. Clary hopped into the front seat by Simon.

“So what’s the plan?” Alec said, voice low. “Wing it? That’s usually your strategy.”

“We follow Clary’s plan.” Jace replied. “Go in, ask nicely, get out.”

“Who are you? What have you done with my _parabatai_?” Alec rolled his eyes. “If Clary’s getting you to be respectful, she must be a good influence. I knew keeping her was good. You should always listen to me.”

Jace snorted. It had finally stopped raining by the time they got to Clary’s house, and she jumped out immediately. “Simon, can you stay in the car? I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Simon looked bummed, but listened to Clary. Alec adjusted his bow on his back, and watched as Jace played with one of the dormant seraph blades on his belt. Alec brought out a Sensor. “I’ll do a quick search.”

There was low activity, meaning demons had been there recently but not still there. “Alright.” Jace motioned for a group huddle in the foyer. Neither Alec or Clary obliged. Jace huffed, and said. “Just stay safe. Both of you.”

“The same goes for you, Jace.” Alec said, knowing full well neither Jace or himself would listen. Jace nodded, pretending he wouldn’t throw himself at any demon to prove he could, and Clary opened the door to Madame Dorothea’s.

The witch was barefoot, wearing yellow and velvet. Magnus would have thrown himself out a window had he seen her abysmal fashion sense. Alec fought back a smile at the thought of Magnus ranting about her feathery turban.

“Last I saw you, you were jumping through my Portal!” The witch proclaimed, with tiny Clary still drowning in her arms. She finally let go and gestured to the wide open door, her gaze dangerous as a hawk’s. “Come in.”

She reclined into an armchair and glared at Jace and Alec, who were sticking close together. Clary and Dorothea talked, with Clary explaining what had happened. “And my mom hid the Mortal Cup in your tarot cards!” She finished, beaming proudly.

“Of course.” Dorothea said blankly, like there was nothing behind it. Her hawklike eyes shifted to Alec. He shuffled, feeling uncomfortable, and self consciously pulled his sleeves down lower.

The witch went and retrieved the cards, and gave them to Clary. Clary shuffled through them until she found the one she was looking for. “Jace,” she whispered as she held onto the Ace of Cups. “Give me your _stele_.”

He handed it over without hesitation. “You can do this, Clary.”

After she traced a few lines onto the card, she reached _into_ it and pulled out the debatably most important object in the Shadow World.

Jace was grinning at her. “I knew it!”

Dorothea clasped her hands together. “Oh, but it’s damaged!”

“What?” Clary asked, hugging the cup to her chest. Dorothea started to reach towards the Cup, and suddenly Jace’s sword was under her chin. “No one touches the Cup but us.” He said coldly, then gave his most charming fake smile. “No hard feelings, but we’ll be going now.”

“Of course. Would you like to use the Portal?”

 _Something’s wrong!_ A voice in Alec’s head shrieked as Dorothea pulled down the curtains, the Portal behind them writhing red with a large dark huddled shape growing larger with every heartbeat. It struck out towards Dorothea, who howled, and wrapped itself around her. "Jace!“ Alec yelped, and dragged Jace away by the collar of his shirt. Jace managed to get Clary out the door first, with Alec last, drawing his bow.

Jace tried the door, and swore loudly. "Must be some kind of spell because _it’s not opening_!”

There was an explosion like sound, and there was suddenly a gaping hole in the wall. Something huge and dark, with horrible bruised skin and blackened bones and sharp skeletal fingers and a face like a skull, _oozed_ out. “Give me the Mortal Cup.” It hissed, with a voice that sent violent shivers down Alec’s spine. “Give it to me, and I will let you live.”

Alec felt like he couldn’t breathe. Something about staring at the thing brought back his darkest memories, his darkest times, without the shining light of Magnus in sight.

“What are you?” Jace demanded, his voice just barely trembling.

“I am Abbadon, the Demon of the Abyss. I own the empty places between the world, the wind that howls in the dead of night, and the darkness that can never be eradicated.” It stared directly at Alec and seemed to smile. “You cannot defeat the darkness. You cannot defeat me. Give me the cup, or die in agony.”

 _Yay, death._ Alec thought sarcastically. _How about_ no.

“What about Dorothea?” Clary shivered. “What did you do to her?”

“She was a vessel. Her death was swift.” It looked to the Cup in Clary’s hand, and she paled. “Yours will not be so.”

It began to move towards her. Jace blocked its way, a seraph blade in one hand and a runed blade in the other. “I knew Greater Demons were ugly, but no one warned me about the _smell_.”

Abbadon opened its mouth full of jagged teeth. Alec acted on pure instinct, and leaped at Jace at the same time as the demon. He managed to shove Jace away, and the demon’s talons struck his chest, and Alec felt skin tear even as he was lifted through the air, and his head crashed and throbbed with his heartbeat when he hit the far wall, his ribs snapping inwards.

“No!” Jace screamed, and his voice hurt Alec’s ears. Through flashes of light and broken vision, Alec saw Jace throw himself at Abbadon, and the force of him made the demon stumble backwards.

Alec’s perception of the world broke for a moment, and he saw Magnus, and in his memory there was a light behind Magnus as he looked at a broken Alec and gently took a bloody knife out of his grip. _Maybe you’re my better angel._

Abbadon’s talons were in the perfect position to rip out Jace’s heart. “Tell her to give me the Cup, and I will let you all live.”

 _Demons lie._ Alec thought and when he tried to breathe it burned.

There was a sharp sound like breaking glass, and thick beams of sunlight. Simon, with his nerdy glasses, had thrown a rock.

Abbadon shrieked and collapsed in on itself until there was nothing left but scorch marks and a slight smell of demon ichor.

Alec’s vision went white, with only flashes of gold like Jace’s eyes. “Alec.” He whispered and he sounded like he was about to cry. “ _Alec!”_

_—_

Clary watched as Jace cradled Alec’s head in his lap, crying out his name and pushing his hair out of his face and hot tears fell onto Alec’s face, but Alec didn’t react. His chest rose and fell with labored breaths.

“Why would you do that?” Jace shrieked. “ _Why_! Alec!”

Clary started to drift to Simon’s side and let her friend hold her as she watched Jace. “Clary! My _stele_!”

She went over and gave it to him. Jace desperately started drawing healing runes, tearing through Alec’s shirt to reveal a xylophone of ribs and bloody demon claw marks. Every rune Jace drew seemed to disappear with no effect. He made a choking noise. “Alec, can you even hear me?”

Alec gave no response. Jace carried him to Simon’s van, and shakily pulled out his phone. He dialed a number, and after thirty seconds he screamed and threw his phone across the car. “Voicemail! Magnus! No! Answer just this _one time_!”

Jace looked at Simon with wide eyes. “We need to get him to the Institute. Desperately. There’s Greater Demon poison in these cuts, and-”

“I’m driving.” Simon whispered, and floored it.

“What’s going to happen if we don’t get there in time?” Clary whispered, and an even darker second question bubbled up. _What if they can’t even heal him there?_

Jace seemed to understand both questions. He looked at Clary, tears streaking down his cheeks. _And the boy never cried again, until the day his best friend…_

“He’ll die.”

Suddenly Clary couldn’t feel so proud about the Cup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to cliffhanger land population you suckers.
> 
> I'm going to be really busy for the rest of the week so sorry


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was gonna wait
> 
> i swear i was gonna wait longer than 24 hours
> 
> it didn't happen
> 
> “We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.” -Abraham Lincoln

Jace sat next to Alec’s sickbed with a bowed head and tear streaked face. Hodge stood next to him, gripping his shoulder. “It’s my fault, Hodge.” Jace whispered, and turned to look at Clary, standing by the infirmary door. “My own fault, my own most grievous fault.”

“You talk as though he’s already died.” Maryse snapped at Jace while worrying with Alec’s bandages. “He’s just lost a lot of blood… demon poisonings aren’t something _new_ , for the Angel’s sake.”

“This is Greater Demon poison.” Jace whispered, and Maryse opened her mouth to say he should take a walk, or get some air, and Jace snapped at her. “I can’t leave Alec! I won’t!”

“Jace… at least you retrieved the Cup.” Hodge said. 

Jace’s eyes flared. “Screw the Cup. Screw that stupid Cup. My _brother_ is dying!”

Jace stood up and stormed to Clary, keeping Alec in the corner of his vision. She wrapped her arms around him in a hug, and he gave a small sob. “He’s going to die. He’s going to die. It’ll be like I killed him, Clary.”

“Maryse and Hodge will save him.” Clary whispered back. “Hodge said he sent a message to the Silent Brothers…”

“They might not. They might not come.”

—

Simon paced back and forth in front of the door of the Institute, probably wearing the fancy foyer carpet to the bare floor. He adjusted his glasses for the nth-teenth time. There was a cold, powerful knock at the door, and Simon nearly fell over. Hurriedly, he opened the door.

It was a tall Asian man, wearing dark clothes with harsh lines, his eyes burning like fire, slit pupiled like a cat’s. His mouth was set in almost a snarl, and he carried himself like royalty. Simon shrank back. “W-who are you?”

“My name is Magnus Bane. I am the High Warlock of Brooklyn.” His voice was just barely shaking, but sharp as one of Jace’s swords. “Let. Me. In.”

Simon let him in.

“Where’s the infirmary?” Magnus snapped, cat eyes cold. If Simon had to describe him, he’d say he looked like a prince. _A prince of Hell, maybe._

“I-I can show you.” Simon started scurrying down the hall, Magnus following him, his coat flapping out behind him like dark wings. A turn away from the infirmary, they ran into Robert Lightwood. 

Magnus growled and shoved Simon out of the way, surprisingly gentle. He was just as tall as Robert, despite looking far younger. “I don’t recall inviting a _warlock_ to my Institute. Get out.”

“No.” Magnus replied. “I was invited- Jace called me. I’m here to save your son’s life. So _you_ can get out of my way.”

“Alexander does not need your help.”

Magnus took a step closer to Robert, his hands crackling with blue energy that Simon recognized as magic. “Do you want him to die?”

“He will have died a warrior’s death.”

Magnus bared his teeth. “I have no patience for men who call themselves someone’s _father_ while tormenting their child. I have no patience for people who say they’re doing it for someone’s own good. And I especially have no patience for _Circle members._ You do not deserve the amazing son you have. Alec does not deserve the horrible father you are.So just let one thing be very clear.” Robert took a step back as Magnus took a step forward. “I _utterly despise_ you. Now _get out of my way_.”

Magnus didn’t even wait for Robert’s answer. He shoved past the gaping Shadowhunter and marched straight into the infirmary.

—

“Everyone _out._ ” Magnus commanded. Jace couldn’t stop smiling, and Clary’s eyes brightened. Hodge and Maryse stared at him for a few moments before walking out. 

“Where were you?” Jace demanded. “You weren’t picking up.”

“I got here as fast as I could once I got your message.” Magnus replied stiffly, his eyes locked on Alec’s still form. “I was holding a negotiation of the vampires and werewolves over territory. Don’t tell Alec, but I’ve been handling all Downworlder disputes for the past four years. One less thing for him to worry about.

Jace nodded and Clary led him out of the infirmary, closing the door behind them with a slam. The second it was closed, Magnus’s cold armor failed and he slumped down, and rushed to Alec’s side. 

“Oh, my Alec.” Magnus whispered. “I’m sorry. I’m here now.”

Magnus snapped his fingers and blue sparks flashed in front of his eyes. “I will not let you die now.” He promised, and started to whisper a healing spell.

—

Alec’s world came back in stages. At first all there was was odd blue light, then a soft voice mumbling incoherently, then the pain in his chest, then the pain was gone, and he could see blurry shapes. 

“Alexander.” Someone’s voice said desperately. “Wake up.”

Alec blinked and tried to sit up. “No, no.” The voice said. “Rest. Stay down.”

“Magnus?” He croaked. The world came back in sharp clarity, and Magnus Bane’s smiling face was the first thing he saw. “What are you doing here?”

“Saving your life. Again.” Magnus tried to sound casual, but Alec could hear a slight tremble in his voice. “Free of charge, of course.”

“Thank… thank you.” Alec worked himself into a sitting position, despite Magnus’s faint protests. “Is Jace okay?” Panic gripped him. “Is Jace okay?”

“Jace is fine. I saw him with Clary just a little bit ago…” Magnus’s eyes went unfocused. Alec bit his lip. “Are you okay?”

“Yah, just… a lot of magic.” Magnus released a shaky breath. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

And then Alec- who hated physical contact in ninety nine out of one hundred situations- leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Magnus in a hug. Magnus froze for a second, then tentatively hugged Alec back. 

“I love you.” Alec whispered, and closed his eyes, breathing. 

“I love you, too, Alec.” Magnus breathed back. “Oh, God, I love you too.”

**A Few Days Later**

“Hey, Magnus.” Alec said as casually as he could, trying to ignore the pounding in his heart. 

“Hello, Alec.” Magnus responded cheerfully over the phone. “Everything alright?”

“Yah. Jace says hi.” Alec gulped. “So, uh, I was wondering if you were free on Friday?”

“Why? What’s Friday?”

“No, I mean…” Alec pinched the bridge of his nose. “I was wondering if you wanted to go out. On Friday. With me.”

There was a long pause. “You mean… like a date?”

“Yes?” Alec charged forward with his plan. “I was thinking dinner and a movie-”

“Yes.” Magnus said definitely. “Yes. I’d love that. That’s be great. Awesome. Yes yes yes.”

Alec couldn’t keep the grin off his face. “Really? Okay then. See you Friday.”

“See you Friday.”

—

“YES! YES! SEE, CHAIRMAN MEOW? I TOLD YOU HE WAS INTO ME! I _TOLD_ YOU! HE LIKES ME!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so there's a book 2 (Irrational Fears) and it revolves around this universe's book 5. Not many things have changed. Simon somehow got turned into a vampire. All the stuff is set up and you'll see what's changed when I get around to writing and posting it

**Author's Note:**

> Eeh I finally got this train wreck on ao3
> 
> I'm scared.


End file.
